$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
