You smell like stripper and shame
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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