Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
