All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
