I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
