Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize