i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
