Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
