I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
