I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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