dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
