somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
