we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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