Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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