that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
