being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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