My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
