Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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