I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
