Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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