We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
