i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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