I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
