Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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