not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
