We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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