i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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