I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
