So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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