At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
