Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You are the jesus of drinking
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
