My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
