I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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