chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
