She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
