I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
