I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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