and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
