I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
