you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
