I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
