This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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