just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize