Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
