Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
