drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
