I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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