why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
