I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
