She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
