I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
