she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
