I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
