Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
either way he was missing a nipple.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Never underestimate the power of titties
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
