I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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