this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
