Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
