I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
