so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
