Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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