Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
