I'm so fucking centered right now
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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