i wish my penis had a tongue
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
