I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
